As a psychotherapist who is
interested in alleviating suffering the most important underlying question is,
what really works? What really
allows people to heal the wounds of the past? To make peace with whatever their history has been? To be open to warm connection with
themselves and with others? To
feel free to be authentically who they are and make their own unique
contribution to this world?
There are as many answers to
the above questions as there are modalities of psychotherapy—and, like the
movie, Rashomon, they all contain elements of truth. The cognitive-behavioral approach (also known as CBT)
emphasizes correcting distortions in thought. So, for example, a person with whom I worked who had had
critical parents developed the belief that he had to be perfect to deserve
love, and was extremely self critical because of this history. He had to learn in therapy to
effectively counter that belief, to replace it over and over again with a more
realistic thought. Something like
“As a human being I am inherently worthy of love, and my worthiness is not
contingent upon performance.”
But the cognitive, conscious
work was difficult for him, because of all the years of negative
programming. So an important
aspect of our work became relational—that is, this person had to experience in
our relationship what he had never experienced before--what it feels like to be
truly valued and respected, without having to be perfect. (As an imperfect human myself, it’s
pretty easy to offer this!)
The approach to relational
work that I find to be most powerful is called AEDP (Accelerated Experiential
Dynamic Psychotherapy). It is
based on current neuroscience, which teaches us that emotional healing is
fostered by the experience of warm, safe connection with the therapist—not a
linear, logical, left-brain process, but an intuitive right-brain process. AEDP invites the therapist to be fully
present, expressive of her caring feelings, as well as to share parts of her
own story that demonstrate her empathy and understanding of the client’s
plight.
As an example, Ted (not his
real name) came into therapy during a life crisis, when his mother had been
diagnosed with dementia. She had
been a difficult, demanding woman whose parenting had caused him enormous suffering—and
he was wrestling with a welter of difficult feelings contemplating her decline
and death. As Ted was speaking of
this, I felt tears welling up in my eyes, remembering my own mother’s
death. On that day, I felt the
deepest grief I had ever known, as well as the greatest sense of relief that
her suffering was over. My
sharing this with him created a bond between us that made it safe for him to
express all of his conflicting feelings toward his mother without guilt, and to
begin to heal from the legacy of her past.
One of the approaches that
has been most powerful to me personally as a client in psychotherapy--and most
effective as a therapist helping others--is called PBSP, or psychomotor
therapy. PBSP invites people to
work with the therapist to create an experience, called a symbolic memory that
is reparative of early emotional wounding. So, for example, a woman named Deirdre, who had a violent,
abusive father was able in a safe, supportive environment to express all the
feelings about who he actually was and the harm he caused, but then to explore
in a very profound way what she would feel like and what the world would look
like, if she had not experienced the negative history with him—if she had had a
loving father who had been supportive, rather than abusive, for all those
years. (For more information on
this work, please go to www.integrativepsychotherapy-nyc.com and click on the tab “Healing Early Trauma”).
The above is just a sampling
of the many approaches to psychotherapy that can be helpful. The most important thing to
realize--whether you’re focusing on correcting distorted thoughts, or
experiencing the healing that comes from a close, safe relationship, or working
on creating reparative symbolic memories—is that healing is possible. You can’t erase, but you can
transcend the past. You can
develop the peace of mind and self-acceptance that makes it possible to live
well in this world, to feel accepting of who you are, and open to close and
fulfilling relationships with others.
This is your birthright—and it is the goal of psychotherapy to help you
claim it.
Portia Franklin is a psychotherapist based in New York City who has more than 20 years experience helping people move beyond depression, anxiety, trauma and relationship difficulties to lead fuller, richer lives. Check out her web site: www.integrativepsychotherapy-nyc.com.
Portia Franklin is a psychotherapist based in New York City who has more than 20 years experience helping people move beyond depression, anxiety, trauma and relationship difficulties to lead fuller, richer lives. Check out her web site: www.integrativepsychotherapy-nyc.com.
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